Blue Distance Desperation
by VanishedElf
Summary: Haru and Rin don't spend as much time around each other as one might think, swimming together in international tournaments. The two of them are home on break, visiting friends, and Rin asks if he can crash at Haru's place. What could possibly happen? Rinharu, harurin, rinxharu, haruxrin, Rin/haru, haru/rin, Rinmatsuoka/Harukananase, Harukananase/Rinmatsuoka, Free!smut, Free!slash


"What's wrong?"

Rei and Haru sat across from one another at picnic table. Haru was back in town for the month, taking a small break from swimming internationally, and he had decided to come visit Iwatobi High and his old friends.

"Ah, nothing," Haru muttered, pushing a piece of mackerel around with his chopsticks. "Well. It's too bad Nagisa couldn't make it today."

"I know," Rei said, "but more importantly, why haven't you eaten anything? A world-class athlete such as yourself should have a crazy big appetite."

"Ah. Just not hungry, I guess."

The truth was, Haru was dreading what awaited him that evening. He'd been able to keep his shit together up to that point, but having Rin stay over at his house was asking a little too much. When they were on road, competing in championships, Haru actually didn't get to see that much of Rin. They shared the odd quip in passing, ate a meal together, but when seven or eight o'clock rolled around, both of them were obliged to return to their separate hotel rooms and rest up for the competition. Their coaches would accept nothing less. As long as this was the case, Haru was able to go on living his noncommittal life, where he didn't let anybody down—namingly, his lifelong friend, Makoto Tachibana.

"Come over for dinner," Makoto's voice rang out through the phone. "I'll cook you something."

Haru leaned against the wall, staring out the deck windows over his balcony. The sun was only just beginning to set, casting the town in orange light. It felt odd talking to Makoto over the phone while they were only just paces apart. Haru imagined Makoto one house over, standing by the stove, mulling over which pots and pans he'd need in order to cook Haru the aforementioned meal.

"I'm sorry, but I can't."

"Awe," Makoto joshed. "That's okay. Don't worry about it. I know you're busy."

"Just tonight." Haru paused, running a finger down the door frame. "Tomorrow I'm all yours."

"The way you say it makes it sound so romantic."

"Whatever."

Haru hung up and put his phone on the table. The two of them had been like that since middle school. Some might've called it joking, others might've seen it as flirting, but in his heart, Haru knew exactly what it was. Makoto was in love with Haru and he always had been.

Haru sighed.

If it had been different, maybe Haru could have felt that way about Makoto, too. Maybe, in an alternate universe, where Haru had never become a swimmer and the two of them had continued living in the small fishing town after high school, they would have been a couple, living out their lives in comfortable domesticity. But that wasn't the way things had ended up. Makoto was studying to become a teacher. He was home visiting his family on spring break, and Haru... Haru had never been quite the same ever since laying eyes on Rin.

Haru wandered into the kitchen, ran his finger along the counter, and wandered back into the front room. He was so nervous he was aimless. He was almost so nervous that it drowned out his guilt, but not quite. The truth was, Haru couldn't live without Makoto. Makoto was his earth, his foundation. Haru loved Makoto—he needed him to feel whole, but Makoto wasn't the person Haru thought about when he touched himself. Makoto wasn't the name Haru whispered under his breath as he made himself come, restless and unfulfilled, tangled in his sheets like a netted fish.

The doorbell rang. Haru hurried down the stairs, slowing his pace only once he was a couple steps from the door. Just as he was about to open it, the doorbell rang again.

"I'm here, I'm here," he muttered, sliding the door open. He looked up and momentarily stopped breathing.

Rin stood with his hands behind his head, a lopsided smile decorating his face. Haru cursed himself for feeling so much after so long. It almost seemed silly; but, then again—Haru had never had his desires fulfilled. Those kinds of things only tended to fester over time.

"Thanks for putting me up, man," Rin said, setting his bag on a chair. "It seemed silly to book a hotel in my home town."

"No problem."

"Congratulations on Sweden."

"Thanks." Haru glanced at Rin carefully. His friend's smile appeared to have remained genuine. "How's Sousuke?"

Rin's smile faded somewhat. "He's alright. He gets by okay with the coaching stuff, but I can tell it still eats him up every now and then."

"You going to visit him sometime soon?"

"Probably." Rin laughed nervously. "We always get around to seeing one another at some point."

Haru frowned. He wondered why Rin was never that casual with him. Was it because Rin didn't care as much for Haru as he cared for Sousuke? Was it because Haru made Rin uncomfortable in some way?

"It gets a little crazy on the road, doesn't it?" Rin said. "You'd think we'd get to see more of one another, but our coaches sure keep us busy."

It took Haru a moment to realize Rin was talking about him. "Oh. Yeah. Right."

"It's nice to be here, with nobody breathing down our necks for a change."

"Yeah." Haru paused. "Did you want something to drink?"

Rin remained silent.

"Rin?"

"What I want... that's a good question."

Haru watched Rin carefully. "Is something wrong?"

"Everything's wrong," Rin said softly. "I thought I'd be happy once I got to swim all over the world. I thought that once I made it that far, things would all fall into place. It hasn't quite turned out that way. I find I'm always yearning for something more, wishing I could go deeper."

Haru watched Rin carefully. He wasn't altogether unfamiliar with his friend's capricious moods, but they still made him nervous. One moment Rin would be laughing, the next tears would be pouring out of his auburn eyes like waterfalls. Haru accepted that it was the way Rin was, but he couldn't help the negative associations he held with such things. In the past, there was a time when Rin's tears had heralded a three-year long hiatus to their friendship. "I don't understand."

"And I wouldn't expect you to," Rin chuckled disconsolately. "You have Makoto."

"Makoto?" Haru's eyes widened. "Rin, are you...?"

"Crazy?" Rin asked. "Hell yeah. I know how stupid it is but I keep thinking about it anyway. I could've asked to stay with anybody else, but I asked you. I probably should've asked Sousuke, or even Nagisa, seeing as I haven't seen either of them in months, but no. I jeopardized all that just for a chance to spend some time with you in private." He laughed bitterly. "It's stupid, really."

Haru still wasn't certain what Rin was talking about. It kind of sounded like Rin was confessing something, but Haru didn't want to get his hopes up in any kind of a serious way. He'd been thinking about Rin as more than a friend for longer than he could remember, but he'd always been too terrified to act on it. It seemed ludicrous that Rin might feel the exact same way.

"Makoto..." Haru trailed off. "Makoto is just a friend."

Rin's eyes flashed. "What?"

"He's just a friend."

"Don't fuck with me."

"What about Sousuke?" Haru challenged. "How does he feel about all this?"

"Oh, for fuck's sake," Rin snarled, taking a step forward. "There's never been anybody but you. Don't tell me you didn't know."

Haru stared at Rin for a long while. After a moment, he reached out and slowly began to slide the door shut.

Rin, realizing Haru's intent, grabbed the handle and slammed it closed with a clap. "Stop distracting yourself from the conversation. We need to settle this here and now, or else—"

What happened next was like arriving home after an endless, gruelling, and hopeless journey. It was so obvious it was invisible, so perfect it was terrifying. Haru stepped forward and kissed Rin, pressing his friend into the wall, breathing Rin's breath with more hunger than he'd ever felt, and he realized that it could be no other way. As long as Rin was alive, Haru would yearn to be with him—in the water and out.

"Haru...!"

"It's okay, Rin," Haru panted, running his fingers up the back of Rin's scalp, dragging them through his water-worn hair. "Everything is going to be okay."

"Ngh," Rin gasped, his face contorted with pleasure and confusion. Haru could already see the tears beginning to well in his friends eyes. He held Rin tighter, bracing them both against the outpouring of Rin's emotions. Rin gripped Haru's shirt with his hands and buried his face in Haru's shoulder. Haru felt the muscles in his friend's back convulsing as he fought to regain his composure.

After a while Rin emerged. Long strands of red hair clung to his skin, making use of his tears as glue. Haru looked into Rin's eyes and Rin moved forward slowly, kissing Haru gently this time, sucking his bottom lip with torturous languor, running his tongue along Haru's teeth. Haru moaned into Rin's mouth, a sound that escaped him before he managed to restrain it. His whole body was shivering.

"Fuck," Rin whispered. "I've wanted to do that for so long, you have no idea..."

"I think I do," Haru breathed, savouring the sensation of Rin's breath against his mouth, the smell of Rin's body so close.

"What should we do?"

"I... I'm not sure."

Rin restrained a nervous giggle. "This is crazy."

"Well," Haru said, glancing down at Rin's shoes. "Do you want to actually come inside?"

"That might be a good idea."

Once Rin's sneakers were off, the two of them climbed the stairs to Haru's bedroom. Even though they both knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that nobody would come home, they shut that door too. Perhaps they were both too shy to reveal their affections to anybody, even an imagined audience. They knelt on Haru's bed facing one another, alternating between fits of giddy laughter and breathy, heated kissing. Eventually the laughter fell away to harsh gasping, and Haru found himself tangled in Rin's lap, wrapping his legs around the other boy and doing his best not to chafe himself raw from rubbing against Rin's crotch. Rin looked up at him drunkenly, his mouth hanging open ever so slightly, as if to say _kiss me... bite me, devour me, do whatever you want, as long as you never ever stop..._

"I..." Haru gasped, cradling the side of Rin's face in his hand. "I..." He paused, fighting to get out his words. At last he confessed, "I-I'm not sure what to do."

"N-neither am I," Rin stammered, his eyelids fluttering under Haru's touch. "Haru..."

Sensing his friend's reticence, Haru climbed off of him and slowly began to undo Rin's pants. Rin stared at what was happening to him, blushing even deeper.

"What are you—"

"It's okay," Haru said with measured control. "Let's just keep this simple." He paused. "I've waited almost my entire life for this. We don't have to rush."

Rin sighed in relief. "Okay, sounds good."

Haru began to touch Rin's stomach. He ran his hand up under Rin's shirt, savouring every inch of muscle and skin that ran underneath his fingers, attending intoxicatedly to the clipped gasps Rin kept making. Haru was nervous, but he eventually he gathered enough pluck to touch lower, deeper, slipping his fingers under Rin's underwear strap.

"Haru...!"

Haru ignored Rin's protestation and took the plunge, wrapping his hand around Rin's length. Rin was hot in his hand, and Haru could feel that his friend had already moistened his boxers. The thought made his stomach twirl dizzyingly.

"How do you like it done?"

Rin was silent.

"Rin?"

"Faster..." Rin whispered, almost inaudibly. "And for god's sake, just take them off if you're going to be doing that to me."

Haru undressed his friend until Rin was naked from the waist down, then he made to resume his efforts. Rin stopped him with a firm hand to the chest.

"Not so fast. I'm not going to be the only one naked here!"

"What—"

Before Haru could say anything more, Rin flipped him onto his back and yanked off his sweatpants. Haru struggled half-heartedly and in no time he was naked, not just from the waist down, but fully and completely. Rin stared down at him devilishly, the corner of his mouth quirking up slightly.

"That's betterahhhhhh—!" Rin cocked his head to the side, rolling his shoulders back in involuntary twitches. "Ah... Ahhh..." he moaned, submitting to Haru's mouth, to the heat it gave, and the deep, dark wetness that wrapped itself around him as Haru took him deeper and deeper into his throat. "Haru!" he cried at last, yanking his friend up by the hair. "Watch it, unless you want a hot mouthful of jizz."

"What makes you think I don't want that?" Haru asked, half-lidded. "You taste _goood_ , Rin..."

Rin flinched against the wave of lust that threatened to overtake him.

Haru should have expected things to go like this. The two of them competed voraciously in everything else that they did, so why not in the bedroom? Rin pushed him down and grabbed his cock, sucking his left nipple until Haru almost exploded in Rin's hand. At the last moment, Haru reeled up and dove around, pinning Rin's arms behind his back with one arm and touching him with the other. It was aggressive, playful, and above all, oddly innocent.

Haru ended up giving in, only because he was convinced the two of them would lose their minds if nobody backed down. He thrusted into Rin's grasp, coming over his own stomach with gritted teeth, and when Rin finally allowed himself to tip over the edge, Haru knocked his friend's hand away and closed his eyes, savouring the hot liquid that pulsed all over him, adding to the mess that was already there.

"Holy shit," Rin panted, gripping a handful of his own, sweat-drenched hair.

Haru sighed, his eyes still closed. The look on his face reminded Rin of how his friend looked when he surfaced from the first dive of the day.

"You're aware that cum isn't the same as water, right?"

"How so?" Haru asked faintly.

"Well, it's sticky, for one," Rin said, running a finger down Haru's stomach. "It tastes a lot different, too."

Haru opened his eyes, scathing Rin with their sapphire intensity. "Are you asking me to take a shower with you, Rin Matsuoka?"

The way Haru said it was similar to how somebody might clarify an alleged wedding proposal. Rin leaned his head forward and laughed. "Sure, I don't see why not."

Rin stripped his shirt off and the two of them ran to the shower, ducking whenever they passed a window. Haru's legs almost gave out on the way. Rin started up the water and Haru watched him from the doorway, his chest still rising and falling from all that had transpired in the bedroom.

Haru realized that he wasn't just sorry to Makoto. He was sorry to himself. He knew that as long as Rin was alive, nothing would be quite as good. Makoto was Haru's foundation, swimming was his sustenance, but Rin was his heroin. Rin had always been the undercurrent in Haru's life, for better or for worse. Haru had spent more time agonizing over Rin than anything else.

"Haru," Rin said, holding out a hand from the shower. "The water's ready. Are you coming?"

"Oh," Haru said softly, snapping out of his daze. "Yeah. I am." He strode across the tile and vanished into the misty stall that had begun to envelop his friend.

 _As if I have a choice._

 _ **FIN**_


End file.
